“Well, firstly, now I am strong. I actually hope I will be able to discuss it because it brings tears to my eyes every time I talk about it… it isn’t a recent incident. It has been happening and I just kept quiet,” says Zahara.
Zahara, real name Bulelwa Mkutukana opened up at Dinner At Somizi’s on Friday night.
Zahara said that you must remember, it does not matter how you define depression, it is impossible that she did not have it.
ZAHARA CRYING HERSELF TO SLEEP
“There were nights where I would sleep crying. There were nights where I would wonder… sometimes do you give up or do you stand. It’s not about fighting them, it’s about the truth. There are people looking up to me like I said, I came to inspire and give hope and there are children in the village that wish to be like me. They don’t know what is happening because I will only post myself looking beautiful and smiling meanwhile, when I get back home, I cry,” shares Zahara.
She says she wanted a change in the showbiz industry.
NELSON MANDELA’S WORDS
“You’re a very special girl. May God bless you. South Africa is blessed to have you and wherever you go may the stars upon you shine,” those were the words of former late President Nelson Mandela to Zahara when she visited him in Qunu.
CHANGING THE INDUSTRY
“I wanted a change in this industry for people to actually account for the things that they have done to others. But it has exhausted me. It ate me up too much. I remember it wasn’t even about drinking that’s why I can drink now… but then I realized that due to the pain I felt, I would consume a glass of wine to help me fall asleep.
“Even if I would have to face that pain tomorrow, it became a pattern to drink just to drown everything. So I had to deal with what led me to drink because the problem wasn’t the alcohol, the problem was what led me to drink. I took control of my life again that’s why I know I’m fine and if I want to take a glass of wine sometimes I would… because it is merely to make myself happy and not to try to get rid of something,” expresses Zahara.
HER SISTER COMING OUT TO SAY SHE IS BROKE
The host, Somizi pressed on to ask her how did her ordeal affect her relationship with friends and family?
“With my family, they knew this and if you recall in 2014, my sisters had already come out to state that I was broke, but I then kept quiet because I was scared,” she says.
Zahara says that she is certain that her sisters came out publicly to protect her, “I would love to think that and I know it. They being my voice because I was scared. I remember asking them, to let go of this plea that they had made.”
The Loliwe hitmaker says that besides fearing for her sisters getting hurt, she feared that she would never succeed again. You know how it is. I won’t lie. I feared that I won’t get any airplay on the radio, appear on television or get any gigs anymore but I thought, it’s not even all about that, it’s about the greater picture which is to inspire and give hope,” says Zahara.
THE NEW ZAHARA
As a new person and being her boss Zahara says one thing she learned while studying management at University, which was part of Human Resources, she knows how to save and invest the little that she has.
“That’s why I still have my house today. Thank you to that bank.,” said Zahara.
“I remember calling you in 2014 or 2015. You said that we must wake up and knock on all these doors… but sometimes some doors aren’t locked. It’s just that you don’t bother to open it. You just need to grab the door handle, open the door and enter,” says Zahara.
She said that no one will bring you anything. You need to get up and do it yourself.
She says she is a proud businesswoman now.
Sharing what she didn’t want to share on the show, holding her glass of wine she says: “I’m gonna be a shareholder owning 10% of this other business but I can’t say for now because I still have to prepare that announcement.”
Giving Somizi some credit she says: “I have learned from you. Every time you talk to me, I listen even when it seems like I am not and I’ve seen it from you that you’re capable. The word, “can’t” shouldn’t be part of your vocabulary. You are able if you can tell yourself that.”
Zahara has her own business and she says she’s now independent when it comes to her music.
“I’ve got other businesses… I am getting into logistics,” she said.
When it comes to love life she said that she’s been single for a while by choice.
“I felt like I’ve been making so many bad choices when it comes to relationships. So, now I am taking the time and as I said, I am independent. Work comes first. I come first this time. I don’t do anything because someone else is doing it. It’s not that I won’t date but for now, it’s just work and me,” says Zahara.
In terms of new music at the beginning of Dinner At Somizi’s she said she was cooking something.
Zahara said that she had to remember TLC’s song Unpretty below:
Dinner at Somizi’s airs on 1Magic (DStv channel 103) at 7pm on Fridays. Showmax subscribers can catch it on Showmax.com the following day.
MGOSI.co.za | compiled into a story by Buchule Raba – Editor@MGOSI.co.za.